Headlessness

My mind seems to go blank quite often.  It seems this way all the time.  When people talk to me, I don’t hear them…maybe I’m not listening?  Either way you look at it, I don’t acknowledge people speaking to me unless my attention is acquired in the first place.  Here’s the thing.  I get accused of not paying attention to others or just plain ignoring them.  They seem to like to insinuate that I’m just in a state of “blank thought.”  I’m coming to realize that this isn’t the case at all.  I’m sure that there is actually TOO much content within my heads to actually process it all at once AND listen to someone speak to me at the same time.  My mind is always racing.  Thoughts are being translated to binary and signaling every portion of my brain for responses.  The ARP cache at the core of my mind is full and could use a flush.  I’m not always here but I’m not always there either.

          I am a delusional, neurotic, anxious, paranoid individual.  There are many things wrong with the inside of my head.  I have many excuses I could use to get away with many things.  I choose not to because there is a sense of logic in my mind.  I also understand that there are people worse off than I who refute logic.  Where is the threshold?  How do you know whether or not you are on the wrong side of the fence?  Which side is the wrong side when generalizing the comparison?  Sometimes, you just don’t know what is going on and/or how to fix an internal struggle.  I find therapy to be a terrible means of expression.  That is just me.  Others benefit immensely from therapy.  I hope that some of you can understand this medium that works well for me.  At least I think it does at this time.  I feel that we as a generation need to sit down and self-assess.  Nip it in the bud.  We can then learn our best practices for ventilation of emotion and self-prescribed bliss.  I hope this speaks to you today.  I feel much better now and I hope you find your release as well.

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