I go through most of my days in a state of confusion. I do not mean this in a way such as an Alzheimer’s patient but more along the lines of just utterly confused. I honestly cannot seem to figure people out. If it’s not the people I don’t understand, it’s the actions and methods in which they treat others. I am guilty of being an aggressive and sometimes hostile individual but I have something weird in the back of my head that causes me to actually care for people. I also have something weird in the front of my head that causes all of my problems. Have you ever gotten water up your nose while swimming? That is what the front of my head feels like when my issues decide to act up; When the emotions are just too great to control and I express myself in unfavorable methods. This is what I go through on a daily basis. Many of you may experience the same symptoms as I and I just wonder, “How do you deal with it?” I’m extremely delusional and neurotic. I feel like I’m the subject of all conversation in which I cannot hear. Like I’m the center of a universe that detests me.
I feel that the only way for me to move forward is to fully determine the extent of any underlying issues within my personality and attempt to balance those issues with any means necessary. I have ever single thing that I could hope for but still have the enveloping feeling of hopelessness and failure. I can get through this with motivation. Motivation must be the drive of my lifestyle so that I can begin to actually reap the rewards of my life and stop dwelling on every little thing that isn’t beneficial to me. I’ve taken certain steps to progress in my life. This blog is one of those steps. When I obtain a formidable following, I will feel that I’ve succeeded because I will have others with these issues to talk to and compare coping methods with. I will be able to see how others are managing their lives through communications. I feel it may be high time to create a larger written work to make me feel whole. Do I not feel whole now? I’m not sure. All I know is I’m rubbing off onto others around me and it’s a negative effect. The confusion is real. It’s just a matter of laying all my ducks in a row and sorting through this mess that I call my mental state.